I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
