Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
