I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
