Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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