I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize