I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
