Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
