Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
