Someone shit on the floor
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
