dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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