when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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