it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
