I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
either way he was missing a nipple.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
