Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
