It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
