How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i drank out of a bidet.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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