i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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