Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
