I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
