saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You made out with two different species that night
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
