dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
