the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
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she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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