it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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