Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
