guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
