dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
