Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
