i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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