So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
