it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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