i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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