Barsexuality is the new black.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
