I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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