Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
