it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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