i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
