remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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