i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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