Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
