so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
