This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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