my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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