I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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