yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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