No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
