I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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