If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
only if we run a train.
done.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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