Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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