Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
