Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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