I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
