I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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