just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
