Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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