My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize