We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
