We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
