Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
