i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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