Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
