super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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