R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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