My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
