we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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