Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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