I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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